Question:
I have been with my girlfriend for three years, but in the past six months, I feel that she has been depressed. I asked her many times and she kept telling me it was nothing.
I wanted to have a good talk with her, but she didn’t think there was much to talk about. Even when I sent her a long text, her reply was that it was okay and she said I thought too much.
I find it very strange, because I am not the kind of person who has difficulty communicating. I have a carefree personality. I have no idea what she is thinking unless she tells her.
A few days ago, we went to have dinner together. I don’t know why we talked about this topic again. She asked me if I thought we were really happy together. I asked her why, but she didn’t say anything.
I panicked at the time. I knew she was unhappy, but I didn’t try hard. She must be trying to break up now and was testing me.
Can you give me a clear path? I really don’t want to give up this relationship, what should I do?
Answer:
Hello friend, from your description, I believe that your girlfriend is not the kind of person who naturally keeps everything in her heart.
I believe that when you first fell in love, she was not in this relatively isolated state, otherwise you would not have been with such a person for three years.
Then why has she become so indifferent now? You have to know that no one is willing to keep everything in their heart subjectively.
Many people who refuse to express or communicate have most likely encountered obstacles in communication before.
What does it mean? If a very cheerful and talkative person expresses her thoughts and feelings to you, your response makes her slowly close herself.
Let me give you a very simple example. For example, she studied for a long time and finally got a qualification certificate.
In the first case, you say "Great! I'm so happy for you. Let's go out and eat delicious food to celebrate you!"
In the second case, You said, "What's the use of taking this exam? If you don't take the exam for so and so, it won't be of any use now."
Which one would you rather listen to? No one would be willing to choose. Second, this is a kind of unhappiness.
If it is a friend like this, you can choose not to associate with such a friend, but if the other half who is with you day and night is like this, no She knows how to share joy with you and doesn't see the pain you endure. She doesn't consider how much pressure you are under. She never doesn't understand or disagree with your feelings and opinions.
As time goes by, you will naturally not tell her anything you encounter.
Of course I don’tIt's not that you don't understand her intentionally, but this kind of response that you may not even realize will make her feel, "Shouldn't you be the closest person to me? Why don't you understand me?"
Faced with her feelings, maybe you think she is too sensitive and say to her without thinking:
“Why are you so pretentious as a grown man?”
“ Haha, you are actually angry because of this?"
"I am also very tired today. Who is not tired? You are not the only one pretending to be a grandson outside."
Do you think this is all It's a small thing, nothing serious. But isn’t life made up of little things like this?
Nowadays, many couples who are not married or have just married rarely face such big and big things. On the contrary, it is such small things that accumulate over time. , often plays a decisive role in your relationship.
Just like you feel now, your girlfriend slowly started to alienate you half a year ago. It’s okay to be okay at this time. If once If you have a major disagreement, it is very likely that the relationship will quickly be on the verge of collapse, and you can't find a solution at all, because her lack of communication and expression has become a habit.
Once you enter this situation, it will be in vain for you to communicate with her, because she has formed the habit of not communicating or expressing, and she even has a negative expectation of communicating with you, and she is even less willing to communicate with you. communicate.
So my suggestion is that you express your feelings to her first and gradually guide her to open up to you again.
You can find a suitable time to slowly talk to her about your current situation in a relatively relaxed atmosphere, express your feelings gently, and then guide her to interact with you, and learn from her feedback Adjust topic depth promptly.
However, remember to avoid the topic of relationships first, and don’t even talk about relationships too early for a period of time. Things that are frozen three feet are not frozen in a day. The communication between you and your girlfriend within just a few times Patterns are difficult to return to the way they were originally.
Because in addition to changing your expression habits, you also have to wait for her to realize your changes, which requires long-term efforts on your part. .
Wait until she resumes communication with you, then you can gradually understand her thoughts and know the real source of your conflict. At this time, you can look for an entry point to repair the relationship.
